April 2, 2010

 

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Workers Party……

 

I’m going to say it.  Obama Democrats hate Jews.  Just look at their continued treatment of Israel.  Now even the Voice of America is taking Iran’s side!

 

About global warming – remember the great “livestock” alarm?  That cow flatulence was contributing to global warming? And the call for a “cow tax” and the ever popular “Less meet = Less Heat” slogan?  Turns out that was junk science as well!

 

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?  A: Bo has papers. 

 

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?  A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.  

 

Joe Biden has done it again. He showed up at the White House Passover Seder with a bunch of ham sandwiches


Merry Mary’s Meritorious Merriment……………………….

 

The world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left

 

Why is it drug addicts and computer aficionados are both called users

 

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it

 

Time to retire the TV-broadcasters' cliché that two golfers "are staging quite a duel out there" on the course.   If that were true, of course, there'd be a hole-in-one.

 

The price of a stamp is going up to 44 cents.   It's out of control.   If only there was some other way to send written messages...if anyone can think of anything just e-mail me."


Sappy Sarah’s Semi-Serious Sayings…………….

 

April is National Pecan Month

 

This is National Civility Week     [have you been on the beltway lately?]

 

April 4 is Star Wars Day. And May the Fourth be with you.

 

April 4 is Tell-A-Lie Day

 

April 4 is Tater Tot Day in Benton KY

 

April 5 is Go For Broke Day

 

April 6 is Sorry Charlie Day

 

April 6 is Check Your Batteries Day

 

April 6 is Knock Your Socks Off Day

 

April 6 is National Repot Your Plant Day

 

April 6 is National Tomato Day

 

April 6 is Tartan Day

 

April 7 is National Workplace Napping Day

 

April 7 is I've Got The Blues Day

 

April 7 is No Housework Day

 

April 8 is International Feng Shui Awareness Day

 

April 9 is Stories Day

 

April 9 is Yourself Day

 

April 10 is National Sibling Day

 

April 10 is Golfers Day

 

April 10 is Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day


Happy Hilda’s Hilarious Headlines…………..

 

MAYBE NOT THE BEST CHOICE OF WORDS: "Funeral Home Livens Things Up" -   Berkshire Eagle (Mass.) headline

 

See No Evil (Except on the Other Side):

"Albermarle County GOP's Headquarters Vandalized" - WBDJ-TV Web site (Roanoke, VA)

"Brick Smashes Michigan GOP Office Window" - Associated Press

"Norman Leboon, Accused of Threatening to Kill Rep. Eric Cantor, Donated to Barack Obama's Presidential Campaign" - OpenSecrets.org

"The danger of political violence in this country comes overwhelmingly from one direction - the right, not the left." - Eugene Robinson, Washington Post

 

Question Nobody Is Asking: "Is Obama Now a 'Great' President?" - TheWeek.com

 

We Blame Global Warming: "President Signs D.C. Snowstorm Disaster Declaration" - Associated Press

 

Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Flaming Cat Lights Up B.C. Environment Minister's Earth Hour" - Victoria (British Columbia) Times Colonist

 

Dog Blames Expert for Human Bites - Now That Would Be News: "Expert: Humans Often to Blame for Dog Bites" - Tallahassee Democrat

 

Redundant Story of the Day: "Biden Says Obama's Troubles Rooted in Failures of Bush Years" - Dallas Morning News


Particular Paul’s Perilous Puns………………..

 

A few years ago the nuclear aircraft carrier Enterprise was returning to its base at the Oakland-Alameda Naval Base when the ship's captain, misreading the tides, managed to run the carrier aground on the mud flats of San Francisco bay. This event went down in history as being one of the finest examples of grounding the warship you walk on.

 

This parking space belongs to the Wizard.    Violators will be toad

 

Donations to the order were down and the convent did not have the funds to continue in their usual manner. Rather than shutting down, Mother Superior ordered an austerity program requiring recycling of old clothing. As the gowns had faded over the years, they were sent to the manufacturer to restore them to their original black. Unfortunately when the dresses were returned, while improved, they were still a dark grey, Which just goes to prove old habits dye hard.

 

In the early 1700s, the captain of a Spanish pirate ship was very proud of his mongrel pet for its ability to bark once for "Si," and twice for "No." After being captured by a British commander, the dog was taught the same trick in English. He thereby became . . . the world's first "Si" and "Aye" dog!


Gentleman Jim’s Generic Gems……………..

      And the world’s shortest books……….

 

"CAR TROUBLE" by M. T. Tank

 

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton

 

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY - THE SEQUEL by Bill Clinton

 

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates

 

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY


Simply Susie’s Stentorious Stipulations………………………

 

The opera star and stoolie both get paid by the song.

 

The bread maker and the masseur both get paid as much as they knead.

 

The lawyer and the beer distributor both get paid by the case

 

The Judge and the umpire both get paid for ruling


Lucky Larry’s Liturgical Leanings……………..

 

I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

 

You have a lifetime to work, but children are only young once.

 

A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home.

 

A healthy male adult bore, consumes each year, one and a half times his weight, in other people's patience.

 

Whenever buying a gift for a couple celebrating their 60th anniversary, buy them something they will use right away.


That’s it for this week from your embedded neighborhood organizer looking for some sanity in Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republick of Absurdistan.   The 24 hour police protection of convicted Mayor Steala Dixon has been lifted.  I guess the city is not afraid that some Tea Partiers will break in and steal the gift certificates that she stole from the city’s poorest children.  I also heard that some weeks ago, an arrogant Baltimore city policeman broke into a church meeting at the Hunting Ridge Presbyterian Church because someone parked in front of the then Mayor’s house.  Makes you proud, doesn’t it!


But, on the other hand……………….

 

It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to- day basis.

 

And a Happy Easter and/or Passover to all of you!   God is good!


 

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