April 9, 2010

 

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialists Peoples Party……

 

Did you know that Muslims - the peaceful religion that kills everybody - can opt out of Obama's healthcare package?

 

President Obama signed the health care reform bill on Tuesday. He's taken over the auto industry, banking industry and health care industry. As a child he used to play Monopoly by seizing the box and accusing the other children of scare tactics.

 

So the deal is, we buy health insurance or pay a fine or go to jail, where health care is free. That must be your public option right there.

 

The outspoken chairman of the UN’s climate change body is to adopt a neutral advisory role and has agreed to stop making statements demanding new taxes and other radical policies on cutting emissions.  In an interview with The Times, Rajendra Pachauri, chairman of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, apologized for his organization’s handling of complaints about errors in its report.  Can I say “I told you so!”

 

But, there is hope for the Country!  On June 29th, the 3rd Circuit Court will hear Obama's citizenship eligibility arguments!


Merry Mary’s Monumental Merriment………………..

 

I like the new, tiny, gas-saving cars. They’re smaller and they have fewer seats, sort of like the Democrats in November.

 

Did you know that Chevy and Toyota will be working together to build a car in the old Chevette factory?  It will be called the Toyolette. It will feature bucket seats and automatic wipers.

 

Osama and Obama both have close personal friends that have bombed the Pentagon.

 

Fox cancelled the show 24. Now, if you want to get your weekly dose of torture, you'll have to watch The View

 

Protesters gathered outside Times Square to demand that Ronald McDonald retire because of childhood obesity. McDonald's executives responded that the real culprit is the McParents


Serendipitous Sarah’s Scrupulous Scanning’s………………..

 

April is National Knuckles Down Month……….

 

This is Get A Grip Day!

 

April 11 is Eight-Track Tape Day

 

April 12 is Look Up At The Sky Day

 

April 12 is Walk on Your Wild Side Day

 

April 13 is Blame Somebody Else Day

 

April 14 is National Pecan Day

 

April 14 is International Moment of Laughter Day

 

April 15 is Rubber Eraser Day

 

April 15 is National Stress Awareness Day          [Hmmm, wonder why?]

 

April 16 is Self Day

 

April 16 is National Eggs Benedict Day

 

April 17 is National Cheeseball Day

 

April 17 is National Librarian Day.    [So everybody shhhhhhhhh.]

 

April 17 is Blah, Blah, Blah Day


Happy Hilda’s Hilarious Real Headlines……………..

 

YEAH, WELL, IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS: "Polk Man Dies of Morphine Overdose While Celebrating His Clean Drug Test" - St. Petersburg

  (Fla.) Times headline

 

It's Called 'the Patient Protection and Affordable Health Care Act': "Sebelius Warns of Health-Insurance Scam" - WSJ.com

 

Does That Mean They'll Be Good for Nothing?: "City Will Stop Paying the Poor for Good Behavior" - The New York Times

 

News You Can Use: "Next Big Thing in English: Knowing They Know That You Know" - The New York Times

 

Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Winchester Dairy Farm to Pop Hazardous Gas Bubbles in Manure Lagoon" - Star Press (Muncie, IN)

 

I Told You So Stories of the Day: "Ahmadinejad Rejects Obama's 'Beautiful Words' to Iran" – Reuters


Headlines Mr. P. Brain would like to see………………

 

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

 

Teacher sentenced to death." Must be an English teacher.

 

National Champs Duke Loved and Admired by All in Bizarro World

 

Technology: Apple Targets Pirate Demographic With New iPatch

 

Kyrgyzstan Government Toppled; Opposition Group Demands More Vowels


Gentleman Jim’s Generic Gems………………

        And new Dog Breeds!

 

Collie + Lhasa Apso - Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

 

Spitz + Chow Chow - Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

 

Pointer + Setter - Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

 

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund - Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

 

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso - Peekasso, an abstract dog


Simply Suzie’s Scrumptious Scribblings……………

 

 Liberals are asking us to give  Obama time.  We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate. 

 

America needs Obamacare like Nancy  Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

 

Q: Have  you heard about McDonalds new Obama Value Meal?   A: Order anything  you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

 

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted  felon?   A: A fund raiser.

 

Q: What's  the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?  A: One is  filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.

The  other is for housing prisoners.


Al’s 100 greatest April Fool’s Day Hoaxes……………….

 

#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

1957: The respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied, "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."


Lucky Larry’s Liturgical Leavings………………..

 

Suppose you were an idiot.   And suppose you were a member of Congress....      But then I repeat myself.  -Mark Twain

 

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.  -Winston Churchill

     

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.   -.George Bernard Shaw

        

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man ....which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.  -G Gordon Liddy

       

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.    -James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)


That’s it for this week from your embedded community activist, hiding from the new Obama Healthcare IRS enforcers somewhere inside the Woodbine Beltway, just a stone’s throw from Absurdia, the principle city of The People’s Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where we are having a real problem with uninsured illegal immigrant drivers.  The elected mental giants in Annapolis have decided to raise the cost of auto insurance of the MAIF insured drivers – probably the group that can afford it the least!  Don’t evict the illegal’s!


But, on the other hand……………………….

 

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes!


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