April 16, 2010

 

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Workers Party……

 

Why did Obama ditch the press corps on Tuesday, ostensibly to attend a non-existent soccer game at Sidwell-Friends?

 

Why did Oprah lie about poverty and sex abuse in her autobiography?  And is it true about her “relationship” with Diane Sawyer?  Who wants to know?

 

And, why weren’t Great Britain and Israel, our two most reliable allies in attendance at that dog and pony show in DC this week?  It is a curious state of affairs when relations with our major democratic allies are all wobbly at once…..

 

HR 1388 PASSED!  We will spend $20,000,000 to move Hamas members/supporters into the US and provide them with better benefits than our seniors are getting.  Don’t you just love Congress!

 

The White House phone rang at 3:00 am.  Nobody answered.  When Poland lost its leaders in a plane crash in Russia, British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown issued a statement.  French President Nicholas Sarkozy issued a statement.  Nothing from Obama - guess they couldn’t wake him up.


Marvelous Mary’s Mirthful Murmurings……………….

 

Jeb Bush began giving political interviews Thursday, spurring rumors he may run for president. The talk radio crowd was overjoyed to see him. Conservatives are like alcoholics in their persistent delusion that the next Bush will turn out differently

 

President Obama met with Queen Elizabeth. He was the 11th U.S. President the Queen has met with, and the first one where she spent the entire meeting clutching her purse

 

My favorite Bible fable is the one where everyone loafs and fishes.

 

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.

 

If it wasn't for Venetian blinds, it would have been curtains for all of us.


Serendipitous Sarah’s Scrupulous Scanning’s………………..

 

This is still International Twit Award Month

 

This is National Karaoke Week

 

April 18 is International Jugglers Day

 

April 18 is Eggs, Eggs, Eggs Days

 

April 19 is Garlic Day  

 

April 19 is Beyond Rejection Slip Day

 

April 20 is Look Alike Day

 

April 21 is Kindergarten Day

 

April 22 is National Jelly Bean Day

 

April 23 is Read To Me Day

 

April 24 is National Pigs In A Blanket Day

 

April 24 is National Hairball Awareness Day


Happy Hilda’s Hilarious Headlines……………………….

 

WAS IT AN ATTORNEY, OR AN INSURANCE AGENT? "Doctors Perform C-Section on Non-Pregnant Woman" WTVD-TV (Raleigh-Durham, N.C.) headline

 

We'd Like to Report Tim Geithner, Charlie Rangel, Tom Daschle, Kathleen Sebelius and Hilda Solis: "Make Money by Turning In Tax Cheats" - WUSA-TV Web site (Washington)

 

He's Repeating All of Clinton's Mistakes: "EDITORIAL: Obama Eyes Interns" - The Washington Times

 

Even FDR Didn't Go That Far: "Obama Considering as Many as 10 Candidates for High Court Opening" - The Washington Post

 

We Blame Global Warming: "Near-Death Experience Explained by High Levels of CO2" - FoxNews.com

 

Redundant Stories of the Day: "Obama Gets Preachy" - Time.com


Headlines Barry M. Deep would like to see……………

 

Eulogy for Polish President to Include Many Z's and K's

 

20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar 

 

Badly Shaken Hollywood Celebrities Blame Brunch Interruption on Earthquake; Elsewhere, Quarter of a Million of Haitians Still Dead

 

Man Fails to See Irony That Playing Solitaire on iPhone in Unemployment Line Is What He Did All Day at Former Job

 

L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide


Serious Suzie’s Semi-Sweet Sayings…………..

 

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel  = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

 

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

 

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

 

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes


Punctual Paul’s Pernicious Puns………………

 

Texas makes me think of the old slogan "Remember the Alamo." It seems that during that battle, the guy in charge of the whole thing put his wife, of all people, on the battle line. She was shot by the enemy, shattered her patella, and had to be removed from the front line. After the fighting was over, she divorced her husband, and sued for Alamo knee

 

A New Mexico business owner was arrested for possessing plastic bins containing various human body parts. He will plead not guilty and, by every estimation, he has several legs to stand on

 

A coalition of health professionals and others are calling for Ronald McDonald to retire, saying he has too much influence over kids. Apparently they think he is some kind of hot apple pie-d piper


Gentleman Jim’s Generic Gems…………..

      And the world’s shortest books.

 

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman

 

THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry

 

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

 

A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian

 

TO ALL THE MEN WE'VE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel


Literal Larry’s Liturgical Leavings…………..

 

I told my teenage son to enjoy this part of his life, that he would never again feel so secure in his ignorance.

 

I know that you're nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you

 

There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

 

There are only two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.'


That’s it for this week from your embedded community organizer, still circling the Woodbine Beltway, looking for the route to Absurdia, the principle city of The People’s Democratik Republik of Absurdistan and just 30 kilometers (look it up!) from where the Kenyan born President Obama signed a historic treaty with the Russian president today. Not everyone's happy about it. It was a "summit between a powerful communist leader and the president of Russia


But, on the other hand…………..

 

Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions.  You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg!


Return to the Friday's Musings Main Page
 

Return to the A-1 Associates Main Page