Mqy 14, 2010

 

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Workers Party………………

 

People who live in Arizona think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 29% responded, "Yes, it is a serious problem." 71% responded, "No es un problema serio."

 

President Obama celebrated Earth Day by flying his enormous jet to Iowa to visit a wind-power plant.

 

Greece is a relatively small country, much like a state in the U.S. But it overspent and over-borrowed, promised expensive pension plans, overtaxed, and it over-regulated business. So the state it would be here is California.

 

Is this the end of La Dolce Vita? Is America headed to where Athens is today? Greece was running a deficit of 14 percent of gross domestic product with a debt approaching 100 percent, with Portugal, Spain, Ireland and Great Britain not that far behind.

 

Greece has overspent on large social programs, with a national debt so large that they can never pay it back. Thank God that could never happen here!!!!


Merry Mary’s Mirthful Merriment…………………..

 

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

 

I have never been drunk, but I've often been overserved.

 

More than five million American women are overweight. These, of course, are round figures.

 

From my baby pictures you woulda thought I'd be a good-looking fellow as an adult.

 

I was in such a hurry when I left the beach that I didn't bother changing before racing home. Wouldn't you know it: I got pulled over and given a Speedo ticket.


Sappy Sarah’s Strident Stutterings………………

 

May is National Salsa Month      [In case you didn’t notice]

 

This is National Pickle Week

 

May 16 is . . National Bike to Work Day

 

May 17 is . . Pack Rat Day

 

May 18 is . . International Museum Day

 

May 18 is . . Neighbor Day

 

May 18 is . . Visit Your Relatives Day

 

May 19 is . . May Ray Day

 

May 19 is . . Melba Toast Day

 

May 19 is . . Frog Jumping Jubilee Day

 

May 20 is . . Speeding Ticket Day   [First one issued in 1899]

 

May 20 is . . Eliza Doolittle Day

 

May 21 is . . I Need A Patch For That Day

 

May 21 is . . Turn Beauty Inside Out Day

 

May 21 is . . National Memo Day         [Did you get mine?]

 

May 22 is . . National Maritime Day


Happy Hilda’s Hilarious Headlines………………………..

 

WHAT, AGAIN? "Bethlehem Police: Drunk Man Forgets Clothes, Address" -   Allentown (Pa.) Morning Call headline

 

Breaking News From 2000: "Karl Rove, Republican Party Plot Vast Network to Reclaim Power" - Politico.com

 

The Last Incumbent Left, Please... "Turnout Light for Midterm Elections" - The Washington Times

 

Breaking News From Genesis 3:13: "Satan a Surprise to Everyone but Himself"  -NHL.com

 

Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Some Black Holes Can Kill Entire Galaxies" - Space.com

 

Redundant Story of the Day: "Elena Kagan Donated to President Obama, John Kerry" - Politico.com


Headlines Kaye Sada Would like to see…………………….

 

GOP Points Out Supreme Court Nominee Kagan's Poor 40-Yard Dash Time at NFL Combine

 

Arizona Signs Bill Targeting Spanish Rice

 

White House Planning Error Sends Biden to Europe to Represent USA

 

Mimes Preparing to Enclose Oil Leak in Invisible Box

 

Nutrisystems Dumps Lawrence Taylor to Go With "Less Rapey" Spokesperson


Punctual Paul’s Particular Puns…………………….

 

Two newlyweds were having their first fight. "I'm leaving!" the woman snapped. "I'm going home to Mother!" "But honey, we have a home here," the husband protested. "What will I do here alone? I'll be lonely here without you! This puts me in a real pickle!" The woman shot back, "Dill with it!"

 

A group of sterile monks in white robes were circling a large urn containing flowers, chanting, raising their hands, bowing to the urn and performing some kind of ritual on one young member of the group. It appeared to be a vase sect to me. 

 

The maharajah of an Indian province outlawed the killing of tigers. Soon, the enraged and endangered citizens revolted and deposed him. It was the first recorded instance of reign called on account of game.

 

A few years ago a refugee from Laos came to the US in one of the resettlement influxes. He had been an announcer in radio back in Laos, and he wanted to get into the same line of work here. The first thing he did was join AFTRA (American Federation of Television and Radio Announcers). He tried to pursue a job, but of course, he had problems with the English language, being a new resident. In order to keep body and soul together while going to English classes, he took up barbering. Soon, he became a very good barber, giving haircuts, styling’s, and shaves. He seemed to be an artist with the straight razor. In fact, the shop where he worked made him specialize in giving shaves. Thus, he became known as an AFTRA shave Laotian.


Gentleman Jim’s Generic Gems……………….

       Real Published Books!

 

The Great Pantyhose Crafts Book; 1982

 

Pernicious Pork; or, Astounding Revelations of the Evil Effects of Eating Swine Flesh; 1903

 

Thirty-six Reasons for Believing in Everlasting Punishment; 1887

 

1587. A Year of No Importance; n.p.

 

Life and Laughter 'midst the Cannibals; 1926


Lucky Larry’s Liturgical Leavings……………….

 

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

 

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

 

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

 

Drive carefully.  It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

 

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.


That’s it from your “Embedded”  “Community Organizer” hiding out near the Woodbine Beltway (Rt. 6666) reading “In a letter to Philadelphia physician and professor Nathaniel Chapman dated Dec. 11, 1809, nine months after he left the presidency, Jefferson wrote: “The change which has taken place in our climate is one of those facts which all men of years are sensible of and yet none can prove by regular evidence.”  I can’t seem to remember many automobiles around in those days.  But here in Absurdia, the principle city of The People’s Democratic Republic of Absurdistan, we prefer the Gorisms uttered by the founder of the internet, Al Gore. We also noticed that Obama’s, Peace be upon him, social security number was issued by the state of Connecticut.  Go figure……


But, on the other hand…………..

 

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going…….


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