July 2,2010

 

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Workers Party……………..

 

If Bill Clinton was the first black president, Obama has to be the first black Jimmy Carter!

 

Did you hear that 10 Russian spies were arrested while Obama was making nice with Putin?  Not on the mainstream news horizon…………

 

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said Monday that he was afraid to go to Arizona because people would hear his accent and deport him. He's wrong about that. People would hear his accent and say Republicans were right, the Nazis have taken over Arizona.

 

A federal judge in Wisconsin ruled the National Day of Prayer is unconstitutional. Mostly because, anyone who thinks God can still save this country is sadly mistaken

 

I can see November from my house!


Merry Mary’s Mirthful Merriments………………..

 

When the Baltimore Orioles staged a "Lipstick Night", it was a make-up game.

 

We've just heard that the Italian government is installing a clock in the Leaning Tower of Pisa. After all, what good is it if you have the inclination, but not the time?

 

A Florida man was run over by his own truck after his dog put the truck in gear. First, it looked like an accident but it turns out the dog was texting

 

What is the difference between mass and weight? Mass is where Catholics go on Sundays. Weight is where sundaes go on Catholics.

 

I decide which beer to drink on a case by case basis.

 

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


Silly Sarah’s Semi-Serious Sayings…………..

 

July is National Baked Beans Month

And more importantly – National Ice Cream Month!

 

This is Be Nice To New Jersey Week

 

July 4 is . . . . . National Country Music Day

 

July 4 is . . . . . Tom Sawyer Fence-Painting Day

 

July 4 is . . . . . Sidewalk Egg Frying Day

 

July 4 is . . . . . National Tailors Day

 

June 4 is . . . . .Old Maid's Day  

 

June 5 is . . . . .Festival Of Popular Delusions Day 

 

July 5 is . . . . . Apple Computer Day

 

July 5 is . . . . . Workaholics Day

 

July 6 is . . . . . National Fried Chicken Day

 

July 6 is . . . . . Donut Day

 

July 6 is . . . . . Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day

 

July 7 is . . . . . Chocolate Day

 

July 7 is . . . . . National Strawberry Sundae Day

 

July 8 is . . . . . Video Games Day

 

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an

unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and

cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known

incident that many say has long been covered up by the US. Air Force

and the federal government.

However, you may NOT know that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine

months after that historic day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr., Hillary Rodham

Clinton, John F. Kerry, William Jefferson Clinton, Howard Dean, Nancy

Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Charles E. Schumer, and Barbara Boxer were

born.

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? This piece of

information may clear up a lot of things!

 

July 8 is . . . . . Upsy Daisy Day

 

July 8 is . . . . . is Name Your Poison Day

 

July 9 is . . . . . National Sugar Cookie Day

 

July 10 is . . . . .Clerihew Day

 

July 10 is . . . . .Teddy Bear Picnic Day

 

July 10 is . . . . .Don't Step On A Bee Day

 

July 10 is . . . . .Chuy's National Taco Day


Happy Hilda’s Hilarious Headlines…………………….

 

WELL, YEAH: "Man is Run over While Lying in Driveway" -  Sarasota (Fla.) Herald-Tribune headline

 

News of the Tautological: "US Supreme Court Nominee Faces Senate Confirmation Hearing" -  Voice of America website

 

News You Can Use: "Extreme DIY: Building a Homemade Nuclear Reactor in NYC" -  BBC website

 

Question Nobody Is Asking: "Jeb Bush, 2016?" - Washington Examiner website

 

Redundant Story of the Day: "Trash Truck Driver Put on Different Route" --El Paso Times


Headlines Hazel Nutt would like to see……………….

 

BP's Hayward Relieved of Day-to-Day Spill Duties to Concentrate Full-Time on Stonewalling

 

"Anne Frank" Reboot Adds Car Chase and Alien Invasion Sequence

 

Apple Blames iPhone Glitches on "Laughable" User Ignorance, Failure of Ability to Properly Believe

 

Senators Insist Kagan Explain Her Association With Kenyan Socialists

 

World Cup Surprise: World Cup Taking Place RIGHT NOW, Soccer Involved


Punctual Paul’s Pandemic Puns…………………..

 

The Public Broadcasting System has created a new series intended to educate young children in the knowledge, history and skills of both the Classical and Jazz styles of music. Unfortunately, the television censors have banned the show. The reason, it seems, being that the programs contained too much sax and violins.

 

A ten-year-old girl asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little while, the girl approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila." "T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian, as the girl thanked her and went back to her search. A short time later she came to the desk, looking quite distraught. "I just can't find it," she said. "What book are you looking for, honey?" the librarian asked. Replied the little girl, "Tequila Mockingbird."

 

Two bakers lived in a small town. They were highly competitive, but both had many customers. This changed when one baker bought a new slicing machine, that cut four loaves at once. He could serve people faster, so he soon got all the business in the town. The other baker was forced to close. The second baker went to the first and asked, "How were you able to get all the business in town? It seems that you got lucky all of a sudden." The first baker replied, "I'm not sure. I think it has something to do with the four-loaf clever I found."


World’s Greatest Hoax’s

 

#11: UFO Lands in London

1989: On March 31, 1989 thousands of motorists driving on the highway outside London looked up in the air to see a glowing flying saucer descending on their city. Many of them pulled to the side of the road to watch the bizarre craft float through the air. The saucer finally landed in a field on the outskirts of London where local residents immediately called the police to warn them of an alien invasion. Soon the police arrived on the scene, and one brave officer approached the craft with his truncheon extended before him. When a door in the craft popped open, and a small, silver-suited figure emerged, the policeman ran in the opposite direction. The saucer turned out to be a hot-air balloon that had been specially built to look like a UFO by Richard Branson, the 36-year-old chairman of Virgin Records. The stunt combined his passion for ballooning with his love of pranks. His plan was to land the craft in London's Hyde Park on April 1. Unfortunately, the wind blew him off course, and he was forced to land a day early in the wrong location.


Gentleman Jim’s Generic Gems……………….

 

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.  For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

 

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs....'

 

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

 

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

 

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.


Silly Susie’s Soporific Stutterings………………

 

Q ~ Are you an agnostic?   A ~ I don't believe so.

 

Q ~ What does ambiguous mean?   A ~ Could mean anything, I guess.

 

Q ~ Do you worship regularly?   A ~ Yes. Religiously


Lucky Larry’s Liturgical Leavings…………………….

 

The canvas maker and the store clerk both get paid by the sail.

 

The electrician, the golfer and the race car driver get paid by the circuit.

 

The plumber and the investigative reporter both get paid by the leak

 

The politician and the hog farmer both benefit from the pork

 

The librarian and the embezzler both work off the books.

 

The opera star and stoolie both get paid by the song.

 

The bread maker and the masseur both get paid as much as they knead.

 

The lawyer and the beer distributor both get paid by the case

 

The Judge and the umpire both get paid for ruling


That’s it for this week from San Antonio, Texas!  Right on the outer edge of the hurricane so intermittent showers and great dining with a lot of friends.  And yes folks, native Texans are friendly and still nod, wave or somehow acknowledge you when they pass you on the street!  Unlike Absurdia where some young thug can shoot for just looking at someone.  Remember the boy mayor Martin O’Malley) and now governor’s crack down on crime a few years ago?  Rounded up and arrested a ton of black folks whose arrests were, for the most part, thrown out of court.  And those same folks re-elected him!  He is coming up for re-election this fall and has already started his dirty lying campaign!


But, on the other hand……………….

 

Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out

 

      And a bonus thought for the week

 

Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.


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