July 9. 2010

 

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Workers Party……………….

 

Obama has a bill in congress to tax your ATM withdrawals at .01 per dollar. (then .05, etc)

 

The first official "Obamaville" tent city has appeared on 50 acres of Navy and city land directly behind Waipahu High School in Hawaii....

 

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate.

 

America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

 

 Just whom did the FBI arrest in the Michigan militia case? Were they really a "Christian" militia -- as reported by the Leftmedia? And just why was the FBI so suddenly and keenly interested in their activities?  The headlines could have read, "Democrat lunatic twists Christian principles while playing soldier." According to the Toledo Blade, Jacob J. Ward, a 33-year-old member of the so-called "Hutaree" (the group's word for "Christian warrior") was a registered Democrat in Ohio.


Merry Mary’s Meticulous Merriment……………….

 

My designated driver drove me to drink.

 

My superiority complex turned out to be an inferiority complex. I said, "Great, that makes me the least of my problems

 

Caesar sends Brutus to bring him 12 apples. Brutus returns with the apples and Caesar counts them but finds only 10 apples. He turns to Brutus and angrily says: "Et two, Brutus?"

 

Remember...  Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.

 

If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.


Silly Sarah’s Serendipitous Sayings……………………

 

July is National Accordion Awareness Month

 

Sarah wants to remind you that this is Nude Recreation Week

 

July 11 is . . . . .National Yo-Yo Day  

 

July 11 is . . . . .National Cheer Up The Lonely Day

 

July 11 is . . . . .Different Colored Eyes Day

 

July 12 is . . . . .National Pecan Pie Day

 

July 13 is . . . . .Blame Someone Else Day

 

July 13 is . . . . .Barbershop Music Appreciation Day

 

July 13 is . . . . .Embrace Your Geekiness Day

 

July 13 is . . . . .National Juggling Day

 

July 13 is . . . . .Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day

 

July 13 is . . . . .Gruntled Workers Day

 

July 13 is . . . . .Sux2BeU2day

 

July 13 is . . . . .International Skeptics Day

 

July 13 is . . . . .Fool's Paradise Day

 

July 14 is . . . . .International Town Criers Day

 

July 15 is . . . . .National Tapioca Pudding Day

 

July 15 is . . . . .St Swithin's Day

 

July 15 is . . . . .Cow Appreciation Day

 

July 15 is . . . . .Respect Canada Day   See Nick – I remembered!]

 

July 16 is . . . . .International Juggling Day

 

July 16 is . . . . .National Ice Cream Day

 

July 17 is . . . . .Stewarts Root Beer Day

 

July 17 is . . . . .National Peach Ice Cream Day

 

July 17 is . . . . .Yellow Pig Day


Happy Hilda’s Hilarious Headlines

 

HOW TO TELL YOU HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM: "Drunk-Driver Drinks a Beer While Trapped [After Crash]" -  Manawatu (New Zealand) Standard   headline

 

Stop Wasting Your Breath: "Boehner Tells Obama to Stop Whining" - RollCall.com

 

Change You Can Believe In: "Gulf Oil Spill: Minerals Management Service Gets a Name Change" - Press-Register (Mobile, AL)

 

We Blame George W. Bush: "Western Slope Woman Blames Vampire for Car Crash" - KDVR-TV website (Denver)

 

Help Wanted: "Police Seek Mischief Maker Dressed as Leprechaun" -- Associated Press

 

Redundant Story of the Day: "Kagan Declines to Take Sides on 'Twilight' Debate" - Associated Press


Punctual Paul’s Perilous Puns…………………

 

Remember the Alamo? It seems that during that battle, the guy in charge of the whole thing put his wife, of all people, on the battle line. She was shot by the enemy, shattered her patella, and had to be removed from the front line. After the fighting was over, she divorced her husband, and sued for Alamo knee.

 

The swordsman was institutionalized because he had a duel personality

 

Forced by rising costs and lagging demand to make their leading product out of a cheaper metal, Hoosier Love, Inc. found that a special treatment process was needed to clean and coat their Indy 500 memento, a tiny fake-jewel-studded replica of an Offenhauser engine on a jeweler's chain.  To protect it from the corrosive effect of chlorine, a process that appeared in the ISO 9000 Manufacturer's Manual under the title, "The Dechloration of Indy Pendants."

 

A Skydiver is taken by the gravity of his situation.   [This one’s for Carol S.]

 

I bungled a toilet installation once. I decided to caulk it up to experience.


Gentleman Jim’s Generic Gems………………………….

 

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

 

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

 

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

 

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

 

 'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'


Continuing the 100 greatest April 1st hoaxes…………………

 

#12: Flying Penguins 2008: The BBC announced that camera crews filming near the Antarctic for its natural history series Miracles of Evolution had captured footage of Adélie penguins taking to the air. It even offered a video clip of these flying penguins, which became one of the most viewed videos on the internet. Presenter Terry Jones explained that, instead of huddling together to endure the Antarctic winter, these penguins took to the air and flew thousands of miles to the rainforests of South America where they "spend the winter basking in the tropical sun." A follow-up video explained how the BBC created the special effects of the flying penguins.


Lucky Larry’s Liturgical Leavings………………..

 

He who hesitates is probably right.

 

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are  XL.'

 

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

 

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

 

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.


That’s it for this week from your embedded community organizer, back from San Antonio – the friendliest city I have ever visited!  Catching up on the news in Absurdia, the principle city of the Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan noticed that Michael Steele is still in charge of the Stupid Party proving that the leadership will continue to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.


But, on the other hand……………………

 

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.


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