February 25, 2011

 

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Workers Party………………………

 

Nothing to see here: "Social Security has contributed not a single penny to the deficit. So we can talk about entitlements as long as you eliminate Social Security. Because Social Security is not part of the problem we have in America with the deficit." --Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid

 

People in Libya want Moammar Gadhafi to leave. The problem is, he’ll be replaced by his idiot son, Moammar W. Gadhafi.

 

"No nation in history has ever survived a tax burden that reached a third of its national income." --Ronald Reagan

 

An international toy fair continues this week in New York City. Out this year is the Capitol Hill play set. Individual politicians are sold separately

 

Say we have two brothers raised in the same household. What I want to know is why it is that one will grow up to be honest, decent and intelligent, while the other sibling, who has shared all the same advantages, will turn out to be a Democrat

 

Arkansas Congressman Steve Womack has proposed cutting funding for President Obama's teleprompter. Oh man, when Obama finds out he's going to be speechless.


Merry Mary’s Meticulous Mirth………………..

 

I spent Presidents Day acting like a president. I took someone else’s money and spent it on something I don’t need.

 

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of 'smart'?

 

For moments last weekend, Tiger Woods looked like his old self in Dubai.  But turns out it was just his spitting image

 

Borders has filed for bankruptcy.  I wonder what kindled that?

 

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.


Serious Sarah’s Stringent Serendipity…………………………

 

February 25 is. . . Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt)  

 

February 26 is. . . National Pistachil Day

 

February 26 is. . . For Pete's Sake Day

 

February 27 is. . . International Polar Bear Day 

 

February 28 is. . . Public Sleeping Day

 

February 28 is. . . Floral Design Day

 

February 29 is. . . National Surf and Turf Day

 

March is International Mirth Month

 

This is National Pancake Week

 

March 1 is . . National Pig Day

 

March 1 is . . Peanut Butter Lover's Day

 

March 2 is . . Old Stuff Day 

 

March 3 is . . I Want You To Be Happy Day

 

March 3 is . . What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day

 

March 3 is . . Peach Blossom Day

 

March 4 is . . International Pancake Day

 

March 4 is . . Unique Names Day

 

March 5 is . . Hemlock Day

 

March 5 is . . Saint Piran's Day

 

March 5 is . . Multiple Personalities Day  


Happy Hilda’s Hilarious Headlines…………………………….

 

FAST DRIVER, SLOW LEARNER: "Police: Woman Issued Three Speeding Tickets in One Hour" -  WJW-TV headline

 

At Least the Obama Administration Is Getting Serious About Spending Cuts: "Clinton: US to Allocate $150 to Help Egypt Recover" - Jerusalem Post

 

Another Sunrise: "Large Fireball Sighted Over East Coast" - FoxNews.com

 

Find Out in Chapter 11: "Borders Moves Towards Bankruptcy: Are Bookstores Going Away?" - Christian Science Monitor

 

Now That Would Be News: "Heavy Rains Linked to Humans" - The New York Times

 

Question Nobody Is Asking: "Do You Have a Question for Lady Gaga?" - ABCNews.com

 

Redundant Story of the Day: "Obama Says He'd Stop Adding to Debt, But That's Not True" - McClatchy Newspapers


Headlines Helen Back Would Like To See…………………

 

Wall Street Buddhist Renounces Other People's Material Possessions

 

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't  you say? 

 

Prostitutes Appeal To Pope

 

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile 

 

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures  


Participant Paul’s Pungent Puns……………………

 

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

 

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

 

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

 

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

 

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

 

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.


Hairy Harry’s Hundred Greatest Hoax’s………………………………………….

 

#30: Abduction From the Grand Guignol.   1950: On Wednesday March 29, 1950, between the second and third acts of No Orchids for Miss Blandish at Paris's Grand Guignol theater, actress Nicole Riche suddenly disappeared. Stage hands said she had been handed a note, went pale as she read it, walked outside, and then vanished. Unable to continue the play, the theater gave everyone in the audience their money back. The police, who suspected kidnapping, launched a massive manhunt. Her disappearance made headlines around the world. Some papers noted it was an odd coincidence that she had apparently been kidnapped while starring in a play about a woman who is kidnapped. Two days later, early on the morning of April 1st, Riche walked into a police station dressed in the same flimsy white negligee and fur coat she had been wearing during the play, plus a sweater she said some friendly gypsies had given her. She claimed she had been imprisoned for the past two days by "Puritans" who lectured her endlessly about her immoral lifestyle before finally abandoning her in a forest. The police were skeptical about her story since there's wasn't a speck of dirt or dust on her. Eventually Riche broke down and admitted she hadn't been abducted by Puritans. Her disappearance had been an April Fool's Day publicity stunt engineered by the Grand Guignol's manager, Alexandre Dundas.


BillGoats Thoughtless Thinking……………………….

 

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

 

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

 

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

 

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

 

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.


Dirty David’s Delicious Excuses………………………

 

I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.

 

I'm in training to be a household pest.

 

I'm getting my overalls overhauled.

 

My patent is pending.

 

I'm attending the opening of my garage door.


Gentleman Jim’s Generic Gems…………………

      (World’s Thinnest Books)

 

A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J... Kevorkian

 

TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ...... by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell

 

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson

 

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

 

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson

 

MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by the Rev. Jesse Jackson


Lucky Larry’s Liturgical Leavings………………………..

 

Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

 

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

 

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

 

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

 

Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat).


That’s it for this week from Absurdia, the principle city of The People’s Democratic Republic of AbsurdistanThe “do as I say, not as I do” Democrats are back - State Senator R.C. Soles (D - NC) Long time Anti-Gun Advocate State Senator R.C. Soles, 74, shot one of two intruders at his home just outside Tabor City , N.C. about 5 p.m. Sunday, the prosecutor for the politician's home county said.  Just like Carl Rowan in DC did some years ago………..


But, on the other hand………………….

 

Yesterday is a dream, tomorrow but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore to this day."   ~Sanskrit proverb

 

Return to the Friday's Musings Main Page

 

Return to the A-1 Associates Main Page