The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left. Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV) Thus sayeth the Lord. Amen


Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Workers Party………………

 

The founder of Home Depot announced that he is supporting Mitt Romney for president. It's kind of a nice story, because Mitt Romney was actually assembled with parts from Home Depot.

 

Hey, congratulations to the Obamas, who are celebrating their 19th wedding anniversary today. They were going to go out to dinner, but they couldn’t find a sitter for Biden.

 

Herman Cain said that as president, he will bring Republicans and Democrats together. He was the guy that brought pineapple and ham together on a pizza, so it wouldn’t be surprising.

 

Happy anniversary to President Obama and the first lady. They had a nice private dinner to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the last time someone said “yes” to an Obama proposal.

 

Special Forces killed the editor of al-Qaida’s magazine. So the delivery to the Liberals may be a little late this month.


2012 Election is going to be an intelligence test...............

 

A 6th-grade student from Springfield, New Jersey, who asked Gov. Chris Christie for campaign advice, wound up losing his election for student council. Worse still, he asked President Obama for economic advice and he now owes his school $14 trillion.

 

Perfect fit: Chris Christie - Oval Office, oval president.

 

Obama says his new jobs bill will be more successful than his last jobs bill. Let’s not set that bar too high.

 

Our President says we need to have a conversation about race in America ... Fair enough. But this time, let's make it a two-way conversation. White America needs to be heard from, not just lectured to.

 

Since when does a wedding band need to go out for repairs, along with a watch, for a whole month? In a press conference recently Pres. Obama was not wearing his wedding ring nor was he wearing his watch. When asked about it, his staff said his ring was out for repairs. Really! And no reason was given for the missing watch. What a coincidence that Muslims are forbidden from wearing jewelry during the month of Ramadan. Naw, surely that can't be the reason; after all, he's claims to be a Christian.


Freddie's Facts You Can Post on Facebook..................

 

"Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it."

 

Now there's a book on the market for people who disagree - a contradictionary.

 

"More than 700 protestors were arrested over the weekend for blocking traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. They say the best way to fight corporate greed is to make random people sit in traffic while they're trying to visit their aunt in Brooklyn."

 

Texas Governor Rick Perry decided to make Social Security a campaign issue by describing the Social Security system as one big Ponzi scheme. That is not true at all. People don't go to jail if they refuse to pay into a Ponzi scheme

 

I'm thinking the Republicans are going to have a hard time convincing people they represent America when they keep scheduling their debates on TV opposite football games


Merry Mary’s Mirthful Merriment…………………….

 

"Pseudoscience describes theories that sound like science but are actually just made up, like aromatherapy or biorhythms or love."

 

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners

 

Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former.

 

Life is like a doughnut, you're either in the dough or in the hole.

 

The Eagles club formed an add hawk committee.

 

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.


Soulful Sarah's Selections.................

 

September is National Rice Month

 

This is Biscuits and Gravy Week

 

September 9 is...Teddy Bear Day

 

September 10 is...Wonderful Weirdoes Day

 

September 10 is...Sew Be It! Day

 

September 11 is... No News Is Good News Day  

 

September 12 is...Chocolate Milk Shake Day

 

September 12 is...National Personal Chef Day

 

September 12 is...National Chocolate Milkshake Day

 

September 12 is...Video Games Day

 

September 13 is...Doodle Soup Days

 

September 13 is...Defy Superstition Day

  

September 13 is...Fortune Cookie Day

 

September 14 is...National Cream-filled Donut Day 

 

September 15 is...Make a Hat Day

 

September 15 is...Felt Hat Day


Happy Hilda’s Hilarious Headlines…………………..

 

IT DOESN'T MATTER AS LONG AS HE WON FIRST: "Ukrainian Man Wins Dumpling Eating Contest, Then Dies" -  Reuters headline

 

Breaking News From 1803: "U.S. Supreme Court to Decide Major Legal Issues" --San Francisco Chronicle

 

If Obama Has Lost Joe Biden, He's Lost Middle America: "Biden: Voters Should Blame Obama, Not Bush, for Economy" - DailyCaller.com

 

Out on a Limb: "Obama: People Aren't Better Off Than 4 Years Ago" - Associated Press

 

We Blame Global Warming: "Obama's Chilly Relationship With Senate Dems" - Commentary website

 

Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Non-Beige Homes Approved in Irvine" - Orange County (CA) Register

 

(Thanks to The Wall Street Journal's James Taranto)


Headlines Pepe Roni would like to see……………….

 

Totally Non-Ironic Email Urges Online Campaign to Prevent US Postal Service Shutdown

 

Retailers Report Strong September After Unloading 10-Year-Old 9/11 Chotchke Inventories

 

Italy Releases Amanda Knox From Lifetime Channel Movie

 

Amanda Knox Having Difficulty Finding New Roommate

 

Agent Says Michael Jackson Not Available to Testify in Trial


Particular Paul’s Pernicious Puns………………………

 

Apparently, independent studies have discovered that the Internet is an addictive agent, which, they say, is just as powerful as drugs or alcohol. However, researchers go on to say that the Internet is actually much more dangerous than these addictive substances, since it is a terminal addiction.

 

During rehearsal, the high school Music Director was beside himself. The cymbal player in the band was constantly coming in at the wrong time with his cymbal clash. The young man maintained that his entry point gave a much better effect and that he wouldn't play it as written.   When the Music Director was asked by the Principal why he kicked the young musician out of the band, he replied, "It was a simple case of cymbal disobedience."


Hungry Harry’s Hundred Best Hoaxes……………………………

 

#63: M3 Zebra Crossing.   In 2000 early morning commuters travelling on the northern carriageway of the M3 near Farnborough, Hampshire encountered a pedestrian zebra crossing painted across the busy highway. The perpetrator of the prank was unknown. A police spokesman speculated that the prank, "must have been done very early in the morning when there was little or no traffic on the motorway." Maintenance workers were quickly summoned to remove the crossing, which was apparently not too difficult to do since the pranksters had used emulsion paint rather than gloss. The police noted that, surprisingly, they had received no calls from the public about the crossing.


Simply Suzie’s Soulful Simperings………………..

 

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

 

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

 

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

 

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.


Jessica’s Day at School……………..

 

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

 

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

 

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

 

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.. (my favorite...)

 

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.


BillGoat’s Blatherings………………

 

Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.

 

I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

 

Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

 

So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

 

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

 

My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.


Dirty David’s Sees Bumper Stickers………………..

 

I'm Canadian.  It's like being American, but without the gun.

 

Rock is dead.  Long live paper and scissors.

 

The last thing I want to do is hurt you.  But it's still on the list.

 

The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.

 

In America, anyone can be president.  That's one of the risks you take.


Gentleman Jim’s Generic Gems……………………….

 

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

 

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

 

Your friends love you anyway.

 

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance

 

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.


Lucky Larry’s Liturgical Leavings……………………..

 

However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

 

Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

 

Believe in miracles.

 

God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

 

Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.


That’s it for this week from Absurdia, the principle city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where over 100 Absurdistan schools are deemed "failing" the Obama has given them passes on meeting the "No Child Left Behind" standards.

 

While not local, worth noting: Democrats war on Christianity continues.  City of Mission KS has implemented a "fee" of $1000 per seat per year for each church in the town.


But, on the other hand……………..

 

If the future seems overwhelming, remember that it comes one moment at a time.


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